What Our Data Says About Making the First Move in Los Angeles

If you have ever stood in a coffee line, spotted someone cute, and immediately talked yourself out of saying hello, you are not alone. Modern dating has turned simple eye contact into a small psychological event, and a friendly hello feels like a high-stakes gamble. But the good news is that our data paints a surprisingly optimistic picture. People want to be approached. They are open to it. They are often flattered by it. The real obstacle is not interest. It is fear, timing, and the occasional internal spiral.

Here is what is actually happening out there.

Approaching Men in Person

Men Are More Open Than You Think

Men in our study were overwhelmingly excited to be approached by someone they are into. A full 92 percent said they would welcome it. Even when the attraction is not mutual, 75 percent of men still feel flattered. The takeaway is simple. Approaching men is almost always safe, appreciated, and well received.

Below are the spaces where men feel most comfortable being approached.

Top Approach Friendly Settings for Men

• Bars and Parties: 67 percent
  
  • Men feel most relaxed in social settings that are already high energy.
• Coffee Shops: 58 percent
  
  • Quiet, casual, and in public. A natural fit for low pressure conversation.
• Gym or Run Clubs: 58 percent
  
  • A big contrast to women. Men are far more open to interactions here.
• Networking Events: 50 percent
  
  • Men are more comfortable with work adjacent settings than women, though still mindful.
• Bookstores and Libraries: 42 percent
  
  • Quiet spaces still feel social enough for a friendly opener.
• Parks and Beaches: 33 percent
  
  • Comfortable, but not top of the list.
• Grocery Stores: 33 percent
  
  • Approachable and harmless, but not a go to spot.

Where Men Do Not Want to Be Approached

• Work: 50 percent
  
  • This is the top off limits setting for men. They want to maintain professionalism.
• Gym or Fitness Spaces: 33 percent
  
  • Even though many men are open to it, a significant portion worry about crossing boundaries.
• Transit or Commute: 8 percent
  
  • A small group, but not zero.
• None/nowhere:  25 percent
  
  • Yes. A quarter of men say there are no off limits settings at all.

Overall, men’s boundaries come down to respect and avoiding awkwardness more than fear or discomfort.

But Are Women Actually Approaching Men?

Not really. Even though men are very open to being approached, most women are not taking the first step.

Here is what women told us.

• 45 percent rarely approach
• 35 percent are somewhat likely
• 15 percent never approach
• 5 percent very likely

Why the hold back?

Why Women Do Not Make the First Move

• Fear of Rejection: 12 percent
  
  • Both explicit fear and the quiet, internal version of it.
• Fear of Misinterpretation or Social Judgment: 31 percent
  
  • This includes the worry of being misunderstood or posted online.

Waiting for Signals Before Acting
Women rely heavily on green lights.

• 78 percent use eye contact
• 72 percent use smiling
• 56 percent need a mutual context

Many women said things like “He starts talking first” or “I have never approached anyone.”
Women are not closed off to approaching. They simply want reciprocity and clarity.

Now Let’s Flip It

Approaching Women in Person

Women respond positively to being approached by someone they find attractive.

• 55 percent feel excited
• 45 percent feel flattered or nervous but positive

Even when they are not attracted, 75 percent still respond with kindness. Only 5 percent reported discomfort. Tone, timing, and setting matter a lot more for women than they do for men.

Top Approach Friendly Settings for Women

• Bars and Parties: 75 percent
  
  • The number one spot. Fun, safe, social.
• Parks and Beaches: 75 percent
  
  • Tied for first. Women love calm, open spaces where conversation feels natural.
• Coffee Shops: 70 percent
  
  • A major comfort zone. Public, quiet, and easy to exit if needed.
• Bookstores and Libraries: 60 percent
  
  • Women are more receptive here than men.
• Grocery Stores: 55 percent
  
  • Surprisingly warm. Interactions feel organic.
• Networking Events: 50 percent
  
  • Neutral but acceptable.
• Gyms and Run Clubs: 25 percent
  
  • Women’s lowest comfort level by a wide margin.

Where Women Do Not Want to Be Approached

• Gym or Fitness Spaces: 50 percent
  
  • Clear number one. Women feel physically vulnerable here.
• Workplaces or Networking Settings: 45 percent
  
  • Professional settings feel risky or inappropriate.
• Transit or Commute: 25 percent
  
  • Enclosed spaces feel unsafe.
• None/Nowhere: 10 percent
  
  • Only a small percentage say all settings are fine.

Women are not closed off. They just need the environment to feel safe, public, and low pressure. This is why curated events and structured mixers work so well. They remove the guesswork.

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Are Men Approaching Women?

Not as much as you might think.

• 50 percent of men rarely approach
• 33 percent are somewhat likely
• 8 percent very likely
• 8 percent never

This is not about disinterest. It is about wanting to avoid embarrassment.

Why Men Hold Back

• Fear of Social Backlash: 42 percent
  
  • Men worry about crossing lines or being judged.
• Fear of Rejection: At least 12 percent
  
  • This number rises when you factor in subtle fear based answers.
• Past Negative Experiences: 25 percent
  
  • Bad reactions stick.
• Needing Clear Signals First: 34 percent
  
  • Many men only act when the “go” sign is unmistakable.

Both men and women rely on the same indicators.

• 78 percent use eye contact
• 72 percent use smiling
• 56 percent need shared context
• 34 percent only act if the other person talks first

So What Does This All Mean?

People want connection. They want in person sparks. Most of the hesitation comes from fear, uncertainty, and the blurry rules of the modern world. But when the context feels right and the vibe feels mutual, both men and women respond warmly. The best thing we can do is create more safe, social settings where people feel comfortable taking the tiniest of risks.

Because a small hello can change a whole week.
And sometimes it can change a whole life.

If you want help creating these moments, we know a thing or two about that.

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